Anna was pumped all day to go to the meet. She was ready to swim; she loves swim team. We got to the meet early for her to warm up with her team.
Wait. Back up a bit. My Anna is a thinker, an observer, a calculated risk taker, happy go lucky, excited to be part of a team, laid back and up for anything type of girl. She tends to pick up on things that I don't even notice or think of. She has all the bases covered in everything she does. So due to these traits, when put in a new situation she tends to need a while to soak it all in. She tends to over observe, over think and over pressure herself to do well. We have seen it in soccer, softball, school with friends. But one thing is for certain with Anna; once she figures it all out she thrives.
This was no different last night.
She had never been to a swim meet; had no clue what to expect. Rob and I had never been to a swim meet; didn't know what to tell her to expect. We were experiencing something new for the first time all together through Anna. And it was amazing to watch it unfold.
She was slotted to swim freestyle in the first heat of the meet; in the first group to swim. IN THE ENTIRE MEET. She sat in the "bullpen" for a while, we were close by. She watched the flag get brought out and the national anthem be sung. She listened to her coach while they were lined up on their starting block. And then she looked around....
In the bullpen.... who know what was going through that little head
The man with the megaphone said "swimmers get in your position." At this point my little girl finds me halfway down the pool lane (ready to take pictures of her first swim), stares at me with a "you have to save me look" and starts crying and yelling, "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" I run ot her as fast as I can and tell the man to go on with the race. As the man yells "Swimmers get in your position. Take Your Mark. BEEP!" Anna is a mess. She is shaking, telling me not to leave her side, that she doesn't want to do this alone. I look at her and tell her that she can do it, that mommy will be right here when she jumps, right along the side as she swims and waiting at the finish line when she finishes. She tells me she doesn't want to and I tel her I am afraid she will regret it. She loves swimming and she has worked too hard to not try. I ask her to trust me. To trust me that she will make it to the other end. To trust me that she will have fun doing it. Her coach comes over (the swimmers are maybe 1/4 of the 25 m started) and tells Anna she is a strong, good swimmer and this is no different then practice. As much as I want to grab my child, hold her and let her cry in my arms and watch her heat do, I look at the coach and say, "She can do it. Help her get in the water please." So the coach gives her a gentle nudge as Anna willingly but hesitantly jumps into the water (by now the girls are 1/2 way through the 25m). And then she flies.
She nearly catches up to the other girls (she was only 2 body lengths or so behind). I get to the other end, she climbs out and into my arms, weeping. I am also crying. I take my sunglasses off and she sees that I am crying and I tell her that I am not crying scared tears, I am crying happy tears; proud tears. People start coming up to her saying how proud of her they are, how brave she was for getting in. Others tell her how if she would have started with the others she would have definitely won the race (this made her happy). Daddy comes up and shares a hug and words that I am sure he will never forget. Grama and Papa are smiling and offering her a huge congratulations. She gets to go to coach, report her time and get candy. (Let me tell you the candy is pure genius. It was what got her to do the next race). She slowly starts to realize that she did it. That there was nothing to be scared of. She starts to calm down and talk to us.
I love this picture below..... it was accidentally taken with me phone when hugging her after the first race....
She tells me that before her race she was scared because:
1. When she got to the starting block she could only see three other swimmers from the other team swimming with her and was confused because she didn't know where her team was. She was scared to swim by herself because she didn't want to "lose" points for her team; there were more of them. This broke my heart to hear because she was putting so much pressure on herself... so much pressue that we never intended for her to know about. We have never talked about points; we have only talked about having fun and getting to the other side as fast as she can.
2. She told me she had never swam in her lane and the numbers by it said 5 ft and not 4 ft. She was confused why the others were swimming in 4 ft and she had to do 5 ft. Little did she know that everyone jumped into 4 ft and since she was on lane one that it was the only lane with markings and those marking applied to all the lanes.
3. She told me she didn't want to be alone. She wanted her team to swim with her. She didn't understand the whole concept of a swim meet where you swim each race by yourself and that you might be next to a member of a different team. And that is ok.
4. Then she told me she didn't know what she was doing. She had never seen this happen before. She didn't want to be first.
Bless her little heart....
So 20 minutes or so her nerves and fears had calmed down, she was through with her lollipop and was happy again. And of course it was time for her to swim the butterfly (her favorite stroke). I ask her if she thinks she can do it and she stares at me. Then she says she doesn't want to be alone and that she wants me with her. I tell her that's not possible but I can be with her at the start, walk alongside during and met her at the end. She thinks about it and then asks with a slight smile and big eyes, "Do I get another piece of candy?!?!" When I said yes she was off my lap and ready to race.
I walked her to the platform of the butterfly, walk alongside her during the stroke and meet her at the end. She is smiling this time.
Then about 30 minutes later it is time for her to swim butterfly again but with her team on a medley relay. She is more excited this time to be doing her favorite stroke again and to be swimming with two of her friends from preschool and a newly made friend. I walk her to the platform, walk alongside the pool and meet her at the end. All smiles an another piece of candy earned.
Waiting with Anna to start their medley :)
Then a good hours passes before her next event, the back stroke. During this hour between events she cuddles with us (mostly with me sine Daddy left with the littles), eats dinner, plays with friends and talked about how she felt earlier. She goes into greater detail about how she was scared to be alone. I ask her what she can do when she gets scared. In my head I am brainstorming coping tactics' look for mommy, deep breaths, good luck charm for swim suit....BUT get this.... she tells me "When I am afraid I can trust in God." My mouth drops. Thank you preschool. Thank you Sunday School. Thank you God. From here on she tells me that God is always with her, even when she's swimming alone in the pool at a meet. She asks me to still walk her to the starting block but she tells me she is not afraid. And then she swims her event.
Another hour passes until her last event and during that time Anna is in her glory. She is being goofy with her friends, running around with her friends, watching the big kids swim, cuddling with me, eating more candy, it is dark outside and she is thrilled at the fact that she is seeing a pool with lights on inside it and that she will be swimming in the dark, under the moon. During this time she asks me why other kids have gotten heat winner ribbons and she hasn't. I explain to her that she may not receive a ribbon tonight and that she does have one more chance to do it; through doing her best freestyle in the relay. I then tell her that in my eyes she has already won the biggest ribbon and that mommy couldn't be more proud of her. She then goes into plan the ribbon that I promised her that I would make :)
As she is lining up for her freestyle relay, she is put on a team of 3 7 year olds (I forgot to mention that there were 2 5 year old and 3 6 year old at the met total for both sides and she was mostly swimming against 7 and 8 year olds), I ask her if she needs me to walk her to the starting block. She is holding the hand of her older teammate Sydney (who she had just meet and is swimming in the relay with her) and tells me that she is probably ok. I ask her if she's sure since it's a relay and she smiles and says, "You better come with me!" So we head to the other side and the race begins. First swimmer goes, second swimmer goes, third swimmer goes, Anna's turn. At this point their relay team is last but about 2 body lengths. Anna jumps in and amazes everyone. This little 5 year old not only manages to bring her relay to to a heat victory but she manages to do it by 2 body lengths. AMAZING. She gets out of the pool, everyone goes crazy around her, her coach hugs her and picks her up and everyone is so excited for the relay team; for Anna. They had remembered the little 5 year old at the beginning of the race and were in awe of her grace and ease during her lap. I sat at the end of the pool video taping it all; watching her. Soaking in my own awe of my child. I was so proud. Not that she won the race but by her ability to do what she did in those short 4 1/2 hours. I know I could have never done what she did, not at 5, probably not even at 34.
On the car ride home at 10:00 pm I asked her what she was thinking during that last race. Her response, "I was thinking I really haven't kicked hard tonight at the race and that I probably need to do that. And I was thinking about what candy I was going to pick out."
Candy.
I think she finally got to bed at 11 she was so hyped up. She couldn't stop dancing from the excitement, she wanted to watch the video of her swimming the last heat over and over. She told us that swim meets are more fun then soccer and any other activity and that she LOVES it! And this is all I hoped for; I just want her to enjoy what she does.
And then 8 1/2 hours later I was waking her to go to swim practice. When I woke her she look at me and said, "Again? Swim Again? Like swim alone again in the races?" When I told her no, it was practice she responded with, "Bummer. I just really want to race again."
You will get your chance Anna, you will.
Love,
One proud Momma (if you can't tell :)
I hope to upload the video soon. It is too cool. MY dad happened to get her first races on video and I got the last. As much as I wanted it all photographed and video taped, my baby needed me. And I am so glad I was there for her.
Swimming Results (so we can see her growth this season!) for under 8 category
25 m Freestyle: 46.28 sec- placed 33rd overall
25 m Butterfly: 57.25- was disqualified since she didn't touch wall at end with 2 hands
25 m Back Stroke: 51.40- placed 28th overall (did touch ropes so technically should have been disqualified but we'll take it!)
100 m Free Relay (Anchor)- 5th place overall- time 2:37.62
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